Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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