The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
