Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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