party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so let's talk penis.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
