She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
