Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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