I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I love you.
Bad choice
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
