Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
