I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
