you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize