I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
