How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
