Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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