I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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