Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
