We need to rekindle our bromance
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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