the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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