eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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