But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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