Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
