Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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