I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
