at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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