just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
