I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
