The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
