so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
