So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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