I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
