Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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