imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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