im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
