After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
