he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
