Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
