I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk is not a location!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
