note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize