I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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