apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
