I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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