i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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