I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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