well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
