Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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