he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
