peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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