My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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