i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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