Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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