Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
