So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
