They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
