I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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