omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
