we're blogging at a bar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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