I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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