You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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