everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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