apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize