I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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