Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
