He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
