omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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