i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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