And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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