guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
