I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
