Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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