Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
