"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
